Confessions Of A Backwards Wife

wedding weekend

I was already pregnant when we got married. We traveled to Las Vegas, NV to get married, it was too early to be married in Arizona, because his divorce had been finalized just a few weeks before. It was hurriedly planned, and off we went, with my parents. His mom and grandma to follow the next day. 4 of my friends were to meet us there, to act as witnesses and stand for us. It was a blessing to have them there,  to celebrate these moments with us.

The weekend didn’t go smoothly, but at the end of it all, we were married. I don’t remember my vows, though we have a DVD of the whole thing. Sometimes I wish we’d been able to have something more personal and meaningful. I console myself with the thought that the most important thing is that we’re married. Our ‘vows’ are in our daily commitment to love each other as Christ loves His bride.

But the romantic heart inside of me still longs for a symbolic ceremony. Symbolic words to reflect the devotion, commitment, love and honor that I desire to walk with daily.  A part of me longs to make a new memory of the day we were married.

So much has happened in our short marriage. Next year, we’ll have been married 5 years. Short in the big picture, but what all we’ve gone through as made it seem like 10-15 years instead. And yet, on the other hand, some of what we’re now starting to go through and discover, I imagine usually happens in the beginning of a marriage. One that had time to hammer all these things out. We were just never allowed to walk through those things until now.

By our first anniversary, our precious first born son, had gone to be with Christ. One month later, we didn’t much feel like celebrating our marriage. Unspoken between us, was a feeling or wondering if we’d somehow brought this on ourselves, with our beginnings. Yet God gave us comfort beyond our imagining. {Click here for the story of our beginnings}

Every year, we’ve walked through a trying time, and though somethings need to be dealt with, it seems that we have great comfort in knowing that we’ll just get stronger and closer to each other, in spite of the storms that threatening to break us apart.

  • We may have a spat over the trash needing to be taken out, but if someone is dying, and needs our CPR skills, we’ll work together in a dance that has no words, to work without argument, him leading, and me following.
  • We may argue about the right size shoes for Jeremiah, but when faced with the ‘impossible’ calling of God, we’ll hold each other up, reminding each other of His help before, and again. We’ll spur each other on in the faith.
  • We may get upset with each other, because of mis-communication, but when it comes down to it. We know each other well, and are quick to forgive and try again.

***

Marriage is work. Because it’s work, it can be tough, it can be enjoyable, it can be overwhelming and it can be beautiful. But it’s always work. It’s always two people, with their entire past, coming along for the ride. The joining of two distinct souls, into one beautiful unification takes time, patience, commitment to God first, and each other second. It takes a willingness to choose self-sacrifice instead of self-serving. It takes a lifetime.

My maternal grandparents were married 50+ years. Watching them as a young child, was fun. They would grump at each other, but deep down I knew they loved each other. A child can tell when two people truly love each other, and when they don’t. Sometimes I wish I could interview them, now that I know some of what it takes to be married. All I can do, is look back now, and take tips from my memories.

My own parents were married 35 years, before my Dad passed. I was more aware of what it took for their marriage to work. I came to see that no marriage is perfect. But all marriages take work. Downright HARD work.

I’m so blessed to have those examples in my life, to encourage me to keep on keeping on in my own married life with my handsome man. He was not so fortunate, growing up. He doesn’t know his father, and his grandparents were divorced. I can only imagine that it’s more difficult for him, as he has no memories to pull from; in what to expect, what to look forward too, the fruits of a marriage that’s made it through all the ups and downs.

Though, here he is, plucking along side of me. Together. I will just keep praying, that the Lord guides him, showing him what it takes to be a man, and husband, and father. My husband has the best example, in following Christ’s lead. Maybe it’s not such a disadvantage after-all.

7 months from today, we’ll be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. Though we never know what each year holds, we know this. We’ll walk through it together, learning along the way, that the grace and mercy of God is the best balm for all things, great and small.

Post ending Love, Peggy

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4 comments

  1. Marriage is work. A lot of hard work. I have been married 10 years (11 yrs. next April). I wouldn’t trade our ups and downs for anything. It would have been nice not to have those down times in our marriage but through it all (including multiple miscarriages) we have grown stronger as a couple. Here is to another 10x ?+ years

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