Dearest Daughter, Mommy’s Sorry

dearest daughter children grief loss gain blessing letting go

Dearest Daughter,

Tonight, Mommy had a moment. She’s had a lot of them. But tonight was different, Mommy’s heart was heavy and near to breaking. She was fighting it, but Mommy faced a dark secret and let it go, letting God have it.

You see, your oldest brother Michael left some deep scars. Some of them are actually festering wounds that haven’t had a chance to heal. Those scars have to be removed and covered with the peace of God, for Mommy to live wholly in Him and at peace. Sometimes, those scars make Mommy remember things she’d rather forget, so she gets angry and mean. It’s not your fault little one. It isn’t Michaels fault or Gods either. It’s a problem with Mommy’s heart. Her heart is sinful and lies to her, but God is helping her through it, one scar at a time. Sometimes, the pain is so overwhelming for Mommy, that she can’t hold you, like you both want. But God is helping her.

Tonight you cried and so did Mommy. She cried for all the times she held your crying against you, she cried for the times she saw you as Michael and pushed you away. She cried for the moments that brought you both more tears. She cried for the times she’s missed holding Mickey, and refused to hold you.

She groaned and poured out her pain and sorrow to God, while holding your little body safe and close to hers. She faced the valley and grief head on, instead of stuffing it, or fighting it. Your presence helped her this time and she asked for His peace for both of you that night. Gently swaying to the rhythms of her prayers, you drifted to sleep in her arms, and her heart was lifted of it burdens.

One day she will tell you a story, a story of healing and mercies renewed each day, by the One who can. A story of grief, and peace, sorrow and joy, bitter and sweet. And you darling girl, are woven into the story just as your Mommy and Daddy and brothers are.

Rest well my sweet girl, for tomorrow is never a surety, but the love and mercy of God is.

Amen

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