Fall is coming, I’m already dreaming of pumpkins, cool crisp air, falling leaves, clothes I can snuggle into. It’s our first Fall in Texas as a family. (Hubby was stationed here in TX years ago) I’m excited, and yet…reflective. It seems I’m always reflective. As I look around our home, I feel like I’m just stagnant as a housewife, and mom. I long for things to be simpler, easier to care for. I also long for my addictive tendencies towards all things electronic, to be put in their place(s). Sometimes I wish I knew how to play with my kids, better, more educational, more interactive…
Am I showing them what they need to be shown?
Can I get a certain toy, or this book, or that game, to grow their minds?
Should I have a game plan everyday, and stick to it?
Then, then, thankfully, then…the Lord reminds me. “These are My gifts to you, perfectly formed and purposed. I have given you what you need to care for them today. Tomorrow I will do the same.”
My children delight in the simple act of my getting on the floor with them. That’s it…that simple elevation change makes my children’s hearts happy, and their place more exciting. It won’t always be like this, there will be times that they won’t want me to engage with them, to get on their level, to show interest. At least…that’ll be what they show to me.
Right now…I just need to show them I’m there.
I love them, so I’m there.
I care for them, so I’m there.
I don’t have to have the latest bells and whistles, I don’t have to have the ‘IT’ toy. I just have to be there. To be willing to put aside all that I’m doing, and focus on them. This, THIS brings the light into their eyes, a smile, giggle or full on belly laugh to them. Oh, those moments are treasured in my heart these days.
I also notice that we all love it when Mommy gets a little cuddle time in with each child, alone, quietly. One on one. I can pack those memories away in my heart, and mind. They aren’t long moments, usually my toddler son doesn’t have but 3 minutes to spare for stillness with Mommy, but he is very still, and very calm, when we do. He stares at me, or he’ll play with one of my fingers gently, or he’ll just sit and look at the book I’m usually reading. Then all is well in his world, he gives me a kiss, and gets off of my lap to go play. I am that safe place for him, that calming lap to sit in, the gentle steady beating heart that loves him, without fail. I am showing him Christ in those moments, though he may not know it. And…I’m seeing how Christ is to me, in those moments. The times He’s held me, just sat with me, being the open lap I can go to when I just want to be still, when I want the comfort for no other reason, than to just enjoy it.
My baby girl, will usually babble to me, play with my hair, or my hands, smile at me. She prefers face time with me. She loves the interaction of us ‘talking’ to each other, and so do I. Her pure delight in just talking to me, looking at me…it humbles me. So much trust in her little body. Sometimes, in those moments I forget the beginning with her. The fears, the grief, the anxiety. In those moments, I forget the start we had, those months of colic, angry baby and tired angry and frustrated mommy, disappear. But maybe…because of those beginnings, the moments now are much sweeter, and enjoyed deeper than without them.
My children…how I love them. I long to love them with Christs love first and foremost, knowing full well that through my love and daily actions, I’m showing them His love. I fail..oh how I fail. I’m still the selfish person I’ve always been. I’ll be the first to say I mess up, that I forget those special moments at the drop of a hat, because I was interrupted somehow, by their antics.
But I’m reminded over and over again…God works in the ‘do overs’ in our lives. We will not learn on the first go around, usually. So we have another chance, another opportunity to choose the right way to act, the right words to use, the right heart-set and mind-set. Thank you Abba, for this! Though I must admit, I usually have to do about 5 do overs, before it sinks in!
Sometimes I feel as though I write about the same things, over and over again…if I do, I ask you to bare with me. It seems those things are what He’s working on in my life! So you have the benefit (??) of reading my musings on them.
At the end of the day…I want my children to choose Christ. All I do, all I pray for, all I teach and show them…it comes down to the salvation of my children. To raise them to walk as those who have hope, and knowledge in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit. All else I could ever hope to share with them, pales to this. It would just be icing to me.
So here I am, trying to improve myself, and my testimony, so that those who live with me, SEE it being acted out, daily. That my witness doesn’t start the moment I walk out of the front door. My witness begins the moment I open my eyes in the morning, to the moment I lay down to sleep at night. My mission field is my home. And I’m okay with that.
I have learned more, and grown more, since becoming a wife, and mother, than in ANY other period in my life. Hands down. I’m more in love with my Redeemer, now, because I know Him. I’ve seen Him in my life, in ways I hadn’t before. I know He will hold me up, when life wants to break me. I know He will give me comfort, when life wants to pull my security away from me. I know. Because He’s been there in the darkest hours of my life, in those moments I don’t want others to know, or see. He has been there, and still He says, “My beloved, I am here. I know, come to me, I’ll give you rest.”
I long for my children to know this, deep within their souls, so that none can take it from them. I pray for it daily.
What is your deepest wish, prayer, hope for your children? For yourself? Is there something you feel is missing, or hindering this?