Again, I read a story of a couple who can’t have children, and here I am, someone who choose to take that option away from myself, and from our family. If I had prayed, and felt God’s peace in the choice, I believe I would be more at peace over this.
Oh, I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, there’s nothing to be done about it now. Try telling that to my heart. It seems she’s only recently learned that she cannot have more children. And she aches for that loss.
I’ve been asked about adoption, since that post. More and more, adoption is on my heart. I’ve always flippantly said I’d want to adopt, siblings I said. Not babies. I want the ‘unwanted of the unwanted’. And oh that hurts my heart. My heart hurts for children I haven’t met, who might ever possibly thing they are unwanted. Literally, tears are falling from my eyes, and my heart is clinching. I can’t imagine my children thinking such a thing, and to know there are children out there who think that…who believe it? Oh, Lord…how I long to hold them, and love them. To show them, that YES YOU ARE LOVED AND WANTED. Oh precious child(ren), you are loved.
Lord, your will is all I want in my life, and I am sorry that I didn’t seek it before making the choice to alter our ability to have more children. I believe and understand children to be a blessing, and not a curse in my life. Please forgive me, and the fear the lead my choices. Whatever your will is, lead me now in the way of it. Amen.