My Dearest First Born,

It’s been awhile since I’ve written to you.
I guess I just didn’t know what to say…
I miss you, with every breath.
Sometimes I find it easier to ‘forget’ you, then remember.
Yet I never really forget…
How could I forget the first time I held you?
The first time I felt the Mama Bear instincts?
The day we got to take you home, the joy and relief we felt?
The long nights and days.
The bath time fun?
The smile that would stop time for it’s duration?

My darling Michael…you are missed.
My dearest son, I have dreams of you and Jeremiah together, of you helping me change his diaper.
They are so real, that when I wake up, I look for you.
Then I remember.

I dream that you are always wanting to go outside…so we take a walk to Grandma’s house. You talk her ear off. You play with her dog.
Then I wake up…and remember.

You. Are. Missed.

I love you still so very much.

But I want to thank you.
Thank you for being in my life.
For teaching me to give thanks in all areas.
Helping us to be better parents.
Showing us how important love and forgiveness is. (Although I’m still working on it!)
For teaching me to follow my instincts as a mother.
For being a gift that will always be precious.

Thank you Michael…



  1. My dearest child! This day is one we all will remember because of the loss we felt when Michael left to join the Father. We know he's better off, but sometimes wonder if we are! As you say though, we've learned from that loss, we are softer, kinder, more loving. Dream on child – maybe there you'll be able to watch Michael grow to be a man.

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